Dear Women,

I don’t care if you eat a steak or a salad. As long as you pay for it yourself.

Love,

Gary.

“The Italian Job” - An exotic form of oral copulation that involves any kind of pasta.

There’s a part of me that wants to experience some racist verbal abuse from a British person…

I’d probably laugh it off…

or get turned on…

I wonder if Shakira ever had a friend who has big tits that one day woke up with a bunch of mountain climbers on top of her.

Hence, the inspiration for the line “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains”

idk why girls are insecure about their breast size…like I’ve never seen a topless woman and looked the other way while violently vomiting in disgust because she had small boobs.

What you need to worry about are your areolas…man some of them looks like a the size of Texas…those are weird.

Chris Humphries just looks like a dude who won a fucking competition to play for a professional Basketball team.

IDK he must’ve been like caller number 72 after a Katy Perry song came up from a radio station.

I remember that time I told a Pol Sci Major at a house party that the reason we invaded Iraq was not because of oil but because of women’s rights.

Hahahaha.

The only time I will watch “Glee” is if they decide to end the show “Columbine” style.

“Big Time Rush” - that sudden violent flow of urinary discharge after you held your pee for too long.